Alison Jaehne February 23 at 11:06pm
Hi Mara!
I hope you have had a little sleep in the last 20 hours since you wrote your update! I can't remember what I have told you about Jack's newborn stage. But I still can't believe how at only a few days old, he would stay up for eight hours at a time, just to see what is going on! He was older when i learned that most newborns need to go back to sleep after being awake after about an hour of feeding and changing! He was older when I realized that I was overstimulating him. I was just so anxious for him to play and to be able to show him the world. The poor little guy just needed to sleep and I didn't create the right environment for him to sleep. So sometimes he would fuss and was not consolable because everything I was doing to console him was actually keeping him awake longer! He was aware of every little touch. When he was taking a bottle, if I would lightly touch his leg, it would kick. He was so aware of every little thing I did, I had to stop holding him so he could sleep. He never fell asleep in my arms. If we were in church, I had to put him in his car seat to relax and sleep.

The baby whisperer says that the first yawn is when to start to put them to sleep. Once i started trying to follow that, things got better. I relied on the five 's' s!!!! Swaddling, sucking, sidelying, swinging and shushing.

It does make sense to me that flailing newborn arms and legs could be upsetting to babies, and that they miss the confinement of the womb. Jack HATED it as I was swaddling him, but he really slept better when he stayed swaddled. I swaddled him until he was almost six months old.

He slept better in a swing and I was feeling guilty that he was always sleeping in a swing, even overnight. Then a friend told me that you do what you can do; her baby was still sleeping in a car seat at three months old all night because that is where she liked it the most. That advice made sense to me. I don't remember when we transitioned to the crib, but I don't remember it being very difficult after the first few times of staying at his side gently patting his back until he was almost asleep. When I left the room, if he started to cry, i would come back and wait the almost 20 minutes for him to almost fall alseep. I had to train him that I would always be there with him when he cried. I wouldn't pick him back up unless he got too worked up, and then I would put him back down when he was a little more calm. He learned to fall asleep on his own because he knew that I would be there in a second when he cried every time. It became my whole focus to teach him what to expect from me in the night by carefully acting the same way. He knew in the night exactly what to expect from me. No talking, no cuddling, no playing, that was all for the daytime. Nighttime was strictly for feeding and changing and back to bed. that is it. It really helped as he got older and could think of new ways to get me to stay with him.

I could never get Jack to eat more than a few ounces at a time! He would fall asleep feeding and or just refuse to eat any more! He would never eat enough to sleep more than two or three hours at a time! I think he was four months old before he started sleeping longer stretches. Now I have learned that being regular or irregular with eating and sleeping times is part of someone's genetic make up and it is better to try to work with it than stress it by thinking that it is due to mommy skills. When Jack was seven to nine months old, I learned how to get him fairly regular with nap times and sleeping. To this day, I have to really focus on helping him to eat at regular times or he will go hours without eating and then get grumpy. Oh yah, and I was never quite sure I had the right formula for him. I switched a few times and finally settled on soy then on lactose-free. He would get constipated easily.

I swear that the white noise makes a difference! And a loud white noise! That is why for some babies, the vacuum cleaner works, the dryer works, and the car works. Your little one was used to hearing loud rushing noises of your blood flow and your heartbeat. And when it is too quiet, he might cry.

I have noticed that new moms sometimes get a dazed look for a couple months while their newborn is waking up so often. Then all of a sudden, about the time the baby starts to coo and laugh, the mom emerges from the sleepless cave she has been in. It is a new energy and thrill of having a baby that is responding to the hours and hours of loving care. Also, the unnerving screeching cry of the newborn becomes just a regular cry and not so fatal sounding as in the first month or two. That cry is not saying, "you're a bad mom" like it sounded like to me. All newborns have an escalated bloody murder screech for every need, even the little needs. Later on, they learn to start lower and then escalate the cry if their need is not met.

For these few months, forget about the laundry, forget about everything exept your hubby at dinner time and sleeping when your baby sleeps.

I am so thrilled for you! I know the difficulty of the lack of sleep! The overwhelming feeling of being a zombie, yet being on cloud nine took me by surprise! I didn't know I would feel so awful with no sleep and I didn't know I would walk around with a silly smile on my face for months, so thrilled to be a mom. It was really weird how I could be so miserable and so happy at the same time. The misery leaves. And the happiness just gets better!

Well I love you!!! Especially today!!! This morning we went with Jack to his preschool and he said, "My Mom" and laid his head on me and then gave me a hug and a kiss in front of his class. It was one of my happiest mom moments yet. I live for those moments! And I know that next year, he probably won't kiss me in front of anyone anymore! :-)

Well we love you!!! You are awesome!! Andrew is lucky to have you and Travis!

Love,

Alison